The morning air in the UK has become a bit more crisp, and thoughts have turned from summer travel to autumn nesting. The to-do list has been made, and it includes old favourites, new adventures and cozy sweaters. What’s on your list for this wonderful time of year?

I’ll be watching the leaves in England turn their brilliant shades of gold and red…

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I’ll be wearing luscious burgundy lipstick by Lorac…

I’ll be looking for the perfect sweater…

I’ll be taking the cozy blankets out of storage to snuggle under, while I watch football on television…

And I’ll finally be learning how to make Julia Child’s boeuf bourguignon.

A very happy autumn to all!

]]> http://livethecharmedlife.com/2010/09/autumn-is-the-season-for-nesting/feed/ 5 http://livethecharmedlife.com/2010/08/100-ways-to-uncomplicate-your-life/ http://livethecharmedlife.com/2010/08/100-ways-to-uncomplicate-your-life/#comments Fri, 13 Aug 2010 15:38:43 +0000 DeeAnne http://livethecharmedlife.com/?p=3693

My grandfather used to say that we were born as smart as we’d ever be, and that we became less bright with age. I never understood what he meant, until today.

You see, when we’re born we see the world in an uncomplicated way. We know what we need, and we ask for it. We like nice people, and we don’t like mean people. We sleep when we’re tired, we eat when we’re hungry, and we stop eating when we’re full.

As we grow older, we eat and drink to cure loneliness, rather than calling a friend. We overwork to avoid close relationships, rather than finding people we can trust to form strong bonds with. We hold grudges, play games, spend more than we make, want things we don’t need, and we get too far away from our basic human needs. In other words, we complicate things.

Today, on what would have been my grandfather’s 88th birthday, I dedicate this list to my Papa. Thank you for everything. I finally get it.

1. Don’t try to read other people’s minds

2. Get up 30 minutes earlier so that you don’t rush/get a ticket while driving too fast/have to explain why you’re late/get fired

3. Get 8 hours of sleep per night so that you think more clearly

4. Stick to your budget

5. Start saving and investing every week, no matter how little you can spare

6. Balance your checkbook

7. Don’t try to be friends with everyone. Cultivate closer relationships with fewer people.

8. Don’t try to do business with everyone. Identify your target client and take very good care of them.

9. Before getting angry, ask yourself if it will really matter in 20 years

10. Focus on being a good person, not on pleasing others

11. Stay home this Saturday, and finish off that nagging chore that you need to finish

12. Kiss and make up

13. Make a weekly menu, and shop for only those items at the market

14. Ask your grandparents the best way to uncomplicate life, and try it for a month

15. Fill up your gas tank when it’s half full

16. Don’t drink alcohol when you’re tired, sad or mad

17. Pay your bills on time

18. Get an annual physical examination

19. Say “I love you” to your significant other and to your children. Studies show that more marriages last, and fewer kids use drugs, when these words are spoken every day.

20. For just one day, imagine everyone’s intentions are good because most people’s are

21. Give away clothes that haven’t been worn in two years

22. Throw out clothes that are in disrepair, and can’t be mended

23. When you have a conflict with someone, talk it out. Don’t let it turn into more than it is.

24. Know what your priorities are in life, and act as if they are your priorities

25. Tell the truth

26. Don’t cheat

27. Don’t steal

28. If you’re holding a ridiculous grudge, let it go

29. Clean your house weekly, so that it doesn’t become too large a chore

30. Do your best at work, or at school

31. Don’t eat when you aren’t humgry

32. Eat when you are hungry

33. Be yourself

34. Say no unapologetically

35. Cook simple meals

36. Don’t try to keep up with the Joneses

37. Pay off your car before buying a new one

38. Organise your desk at the office

39. Change your smoke alarm batteries when the clock springs forward, and when it falls back

40. Organise your important paperwork

41. Take only half the clothes that you planned to take with you on holiday

42. Help your children with their homework every night, and have an open dialogue with their teachers

43. Have white sheets and white towels in children’s rooms, because they’re easily bleached

44. Spend your time with nice people

45. Avoid drama

46. Don’t text or talk on the phone while driving

47. Turn off the television/video games/computer; they’re time consumers

48. Don’t engage in office politics

49. Refuse to gossip, or talk behind other people’s backs

50. Do the dishes right after dinner

51. Never go to sleep angry

52. Ask nicely for what you need and want

53. Walk 10,000 steps per day to help your heart

54. Do 20 push-ups before speaking in anger

55. Leave work at work

56. Don’t befriend anyone that isn’t trustworthy

57. Don’t envy others

58. Have your oil changed

59. Take vitamin C before you catch a cold

60. Don’t work more than 8 hours per day

61. Weed your garden weekly

62. Wash your car weekly

63. Have a spring cleaning month every year, and do one room at a time

64. You don’t need to be best friends with work colleagues, but build respectful partnerships

65. Don’t drink and drive

66. Don’t look for reasons to be angry or sad, look for reasons to be happy. You’ll always be able to find plenty of each.

67. Be friendly with your neighbours

68. Return emails and phone messages promptly

69. Schedule in free time

70. Don’t procrastinate

71. Do what you say you’ll do, when you say you’ll do it

72. Be more flexible when you’re able to be

73. Forgive and forget. End of story.

74. Break the consumerism habit…put a three month moratorium in place on buying anything not deemed a necessity

75. Start your diet on September 1, rather than January 1, so that you won’t also have holiday pounds to lose

76. Take care of any health issues or concerns

77. Have your tires rotated

78. Have your brakes checked

79. Have your eyes checked

80. Don’t let your imagination run away with you

81. Let go of perfection in others

82. Let go of perfection in yourself

83. Don’t try to help those that refuse to help themselves

84. Find a way to reduce your commute to work

85. Have an alloted amount of worry time per day/week, that you strictly abide by

86. Drink more water

87. Eat more salmon

88. Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill

89. Wear your hair in a classic, easy to care for style

90. Finish what you start

91. Wear classic clothes and shoes that never go out of style

92. Create a daily routine

93. Have a 1, 5, 10 and 20 year plan for your financial and life goals

94. Slow down

95. Eat out less often

96. When you ask your husband which outfit looks best, thank him for his answer and wear the one he liked

97. Allow your children to grow up

98. Clean out your garage, and donate anything that hasn’t been used in the past year

99. Stretch every day

100. If a relationship is over, let it go

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Slow is so much more elegant than fast. It’s all in the pure luxury of taking the time. Taking the time to enjoy a phone conversation rather than sending only vital information via text. Taking the time to sit out on the terrace with your cup of coffee in the morning, rather than gulping it in your car. Taking the time to talk to your children as they get ready for school, rather than barking orders and being angry when they practice the art of slow. It’s difficult to look serene when you’re harried. It’s difficult to be polite, and really listen to others, when you’re constantly pressed for time. It’s difficult to live in the moment when your mind is racing about all you must accomplish by the end of the day. Yes, slow is much more elegant than fast, and I’m quickly becoming a fan.

I’m not certain where the obsession with fast began, but somewhere along the line our society decided that being busy was a status symbol. After all, if we’re needed at eleven different places at once, we must be important. If we’re busy all of the time then we’re needed. We compete for the “Busiest Award” over cocktail party conversations. The mirage of busy, fools even the most well-lived among us. The problem is that fast is addictive. Fast is cool, fast is hip, fast is sexy. Worst of all, fast is easy. Fast is also misleading. Fast tricks you into thinking you’re getting things done. It tricks you into believing that you have everything under control. Multi-tasking, the sister of fast, whispers in your ear that you can do even more if you only split your attention.

Slow, on the other hand, can seem old fashioned, outdated and dull. It can have others think that you can’t keep up. It can make you feel as if you’re behind the times, and that you just can’t compete. Or so I thought, until I went geocaching with my work team and was taught the term “slower is faster”. We were taught to pay attention to clues and signs on the road, and on our instruction sheets. We were taught to listen to, and to consider, all of the team member’s opinions before dashing off with a half-baked plan. In other words, we were taught the value of slowing down. Slow helps you make fewer mistakes that must be corrected later. Slow helps you think more clearly. Slow enables you to make better decisions. If you just slow down a touch, you look more calm and in control, and you make others feel much more at ease around you. Slow tells you to listen to every word your partner is telling you about their day. Slow allows you to stop working at five o’clock for yoga class, even though there are three more presentations to build. At work, those that have an even rhythm seem more in control than those that appear over worked, flustered and exasperated. Slow is the reason you sit and talk with your child while they’re in the bath, rather than doing the dinner dishes right this moment. Slow helps you remember the life you’re living and the day you’ve had too, rather than arriving home in your car without knowing how you got there. Slow doesn’t make you sweat.

To be fair, there are times we must all be quick. We have deadlines at work, split second decisions are sometimes required in life, and the train is never going to wait if we’re strolling through the terminal, but many times we’ve created situations that force us to rush. Pressing the snooze button one more time, and procrastinating on work projects come to mind for me. I see people spend all sorts of time on Facebook in the morning, and then they’re irritable as they rush out the door to get to work and school on time. The digital age that was intended to give us more time has been allowed to steal our time. It’s also stolen our human interactions, stolen our children’s time with us, and stolen our lives in some cases.

Slow takes effort for most of us, though. After a lifetime of being told to hurry up, to squeeze more in to our day and to require more of others, it’s difficult to deprogram. Luckily, we can relearn what we lost as we grew up. It takes remembering the value of being present. That is the elegance of slow. If you watch children or dogs at play you see it. If you watch girlfriends having a long, leisurely lunch you see it. If you watch two people deep in conversation, and deeply in love you see it. There isn’t anywhere else they’d rather be, or anything else they’d rather be doing. There are resources available to help with that relearning. The Human Performance Institute, for example, teaches that stress is good and very necessary for our growth, but that rest, and being exactly where you are will help put fast back in its place. It’s marketed for those in the corporate world, but it’s essential for anyone wanting to find their true priorities and manage their energy to fulfill those priorities. In Praise of Slow is another resource dedicated to helping understand what the demands of today’s world do to us and to our children, and how to counteract the competitive pressure to be busy, busier, busiest.

As in everything, it’s all about moderation. It’s about knowing when you’ve gone too far and too deep into fast, and how to find your way back. It’s about having the yin of fast and exciting, balanced with the yang of slow and experiencing. It’s about having the luxury to take the time when you want to, and the ability to be present wherever you are. It’s about relearning the elegant art of living a complete life. Yes, you will probably accomplish less when you relearn a bit of slow, but you’ll remember and enjoy and give quality time to more of the things you do keep on your priority list. You want to know the very best part of slowing down though? It’s that it’s absolutely free, and yet adds so much value to your life. So whether you’re strolling, basking, delighting, reveling, meandering, daydreaming, considering, noodling, wandering, savouring, relishing or just plain enjoying, slow down out there, and let me know how it goes.

Suggested reading~

The Power of Full Engagement

In Praise of Slow

The Precious Present

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1. Send thank you notes

2. Practice good posture

3. Speak more softly

4. Listen without interrupting

5. Wear solid colours

6. Ignore fads, or use them sparingly

7. Have a signature wine that you serve at home

8. Wear only 2-3 accessories

9. Have impeccable manners

10. Read on a variety of topics

11. Maintain a budget

12. Study the arts

13. Have one signature perfume/cologne

14. Show restraint in expressing anger

15. Learn the art of conversation

16. Learn French

17. Wear a trench coat

18. Learn how to wear a scarf

19. Wear a tuxedo when one is called for

20. Practice quality over quantity

21. Don’t yell or scream

22. Learn to dance the waltz

23. Have one fabulous signature meal you serve guests

24. Remember birthdays

25. Go on picnics

26. Wear dresses/suits more often, and on dates

27. Simplify your life, your home and your calendar

28. Wear pearls

29. Open the door for ladies

30. Let him open the door for you

31. Remember that it’s more important to be kind than to be right

32. Serve coffee or tea after meals

33. Arrive exactly on time

34. Don’t complain

35. Dress to travel

36. Be well travelled

37. Don’t wear black shoes between Memorial Day and Labor Day

38. Keep your home clean and uncluttered

39. Put a book they might enjoy, and a small pitcher of water and a glass on guest room nightstands when guests stay over

40. Learn how to host a small dinner party

41. Have one subdued solid colour scheme throughout your home, use accessories to add colour

42. Learn how to make a martini

43. Learn how to tie both a regular tie and a bow tie (whether you’re a man or a woman)

44. Be a lady or a gentleman at work, especially when delivering a difficult message or when tempers flare

45. Wear lovely/handsome hats

46. Don’t point out the mistakes of others

47. Wait your turn patiently

48. Don’t curse

49. Chew each bite 20 times

50. Sip your drink

51. Learn proper etiquette for all situations

52. Accept compliments graciously

53. Be quietly self confident

54. Don’t boast

55. Be respectful of others

56. Have fresh flowers in your home

57. Write a letter rather than send an email to those you love

58. Keep your nails well manicured

59. Maintain your shoes and clothing

60. Don’t ever lose your joie de vivre

61. Be well groomed

62. Remember that money does not equal elegance, nor is it necessary to be elegant

63. Wear less make-up

64. Wear well-fitting clothes

65. Spray lavender on your sheets

66. Be positive

67. Learn to politely say no

68. Be concerned with others feeling comfortable

69. Maintain good health

70. Don’t overindulge

71. Hold yourself to high standards

72. Turn your mobile off at dinner

73. Wear simple, classic hairstyles

74. Think before you speak or act. Ask yourself, can anything good come from this?

75. Apoligise sincerely

76. Have integrity

77. Don’t speak ill of others or gossip

78. Always take a gift to your host/hostess

79. Tie a scarf on your handbag

80. Take a clutch in the evening

81. Wear well fitting jeans with either a long sleeve white shirt or solid sweater for more casual events

82. Only wear sneakers for exercise

83. Use white sheets, white towels, white dishes

84. Be sure your clothes are ironed

85. Your car’s horn should say “pardon me, but do you see me?”, rather than “get out of my way!”

86. Overdo empathy

87. Light candles in your home

88. Go for walks in the park on Sunday

89. Give others sincere compliments

90. Understand your own worth

91. Learn how to open a bottle of champagne

92. Dress appropriately for the occasion

93. Do small favours for others

94. Say please and thank you

95. Take the time to stop and listen to others, especially children

96. Take responsibility for yourself and your own happiness

97. Keep a journal

98. Give thoughtful gifts, rather than expensive ones

99. Less is more

100. Savour the moment

Elegance is refusal. ~Coco Chanel

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Charmed lives don’t just happen, they’re built. They’re built one idea at a time, one act at a time, and one day at a time.

Today’s feat is to choose one charity/cause to make your own, and then donate to it. The benefits to this act are two fold. The first benefit is giving up the feeling of helplessness at not being able to help everyone by at least helping someone, and the second is the actual act of giving, which is essential for happiness and living a charmed life.

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give. ~Winston Churchill

The second benefit is more selfish, but equally important. When we give to others, we give much more to ourselves. Studies now show that in as little time as we often spend getting a manicure, a haircut or watching a sporting event, the aptly named “Helper’s High” gives the giver the longer lasting gifts of an improved immune system, heart attack prevention, a slowed aging process, greater career success, greater stress relief, and even helps us recover from a heart attack more quickly and completely. Just two hours per week of helping others outside of our family, and with no expectation of receiving anything in return, gives us similar benefits to a week of working out, and helps us connect with our community and make more friends which is also great for our overall health.

My two favourite books on the topic are~

Why Good Things Happen To Good People: How To Live A Longer, Healthier, Happier Life By The Simple Act Of Giving by Stephen Post PH.D & Jill Neimark

and

the power of giving back: How Giving Back Enriches Us All by Azim Jamal & Harvey McKinnon.

BONUS POINTS FOR TAKING YOUR CHILDREN ALONG TO VOLUNTEER. WHAT A WONDERFUL WAY TO TEACH THEM HOW TO TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES, WHILE TAKING CARE OF OTHERS!

I wish you years of health, wealth and happiness through helping others!

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Once upon a time there was a girl who wanted a charmed life. She wanted to be happy and to feel loved. She found that most definitions of a charmed life included being taken care of by someone, or having a trust fund, or having a super power of some sort, or at least having no troubles in life. All of those things would have been wonderful gifts, but she had none of them. She decided she would have to wait for her charmed life to find her. Someone would eventually come along to take care of her, and then her life would be perfect.

While she waited, the girl occupied herself with reading fairytales, watching movies with happy endings, and with daydreaming about how wonderful her charmed life would be. She waited and she waited. She became impatient and angry at times, because it wasn’t happening soon enough, or because others weren’t doing enough for her. She also felt envious when she met other girls that had someone to take care of them, and she was ashamed of herself for it. The girl eventually grew disillusioned, and decided to try the next path to a charmed life, but she had no trust fund. She realised that she would have to go it alone, and she began working very hard to make the money to finance a charmed life for herself.

The girl worked as hard as she could to gain the material gifts that she thought would someday make her happy. She also thought that money would bring her the love that she wanted in her life. The harder she worked, the more successful the girl became. She made a great deal of money. She had her dream house, and all of the other beautiful things she’d wanted. The girl also had many wonderful friends who had great success. What she found was that people with money, fantastic possessions and amazing jobs seemed no more happy than those with very little. How could this be? She had a charmed life by many standards, but something was still missing. The girl decided to try another way to a charmed life, and went off to make a carefree life with no troubles.

The girl left the stress of the corporate world behind. She began travelling and meeting new people. Anything that made her unhappy, or caused her pain, she left behind. She would run away at the first sign of discord or trouble, because she feared that the pain of being disappointed would ruin her happy life. The girl began to do yoga, and she distanced herself from any perceived drama in life. The girl believed she had found her charmed life at last, but then she realised that she had no one to share it with. She had none of the pain of everyday life, but she also had none of the joy. She had none of the highs and lows that make a rich, fulfilling life, full of love from family, friends or a significant other. The girl knew she had to move on, and she had to leave the safe world that she had created. She would try and discover a super power she possessed. This was the final definition she had found for a charmed life, and so it must be the answer.

The girl wasn’t sure where to search for her super power. She couldn’t leap tall buildings, she didn’t have great strength, great intellect, or great talent. She decided to go find others who had charmed lives and ask them what their super powers were. If she could learn that secret it would certainly help her finally find her own charmed life. The girl asked person after person. She asked rich and poor, talented and untalented, those with outer beauty and those without, those who believed in a higher power and those who did not, those with love in their lives and those without. She asked the clergy and she asked great scholars. The girl came across people who had unimaginably difficult lives that seemed full of joy, and she met people who had great wealth, beauty and power that were incredibly sad. There seemed to be no rhyme or reason as to why one person had a happy and charmed life and another did not. The girl found people who seemed to have perfect lives, only to find it wasn’t true when she looked deeper and heard their stories. One by one, she found people who had lives they loved. Not perfect, but wonderful, as one man put it. She began asking those with charmed lives how they’d built a fulfilling life that didn’t rely on money, love, peace, success, or possessions?

To her great surprise the girl heard the same answers over and over. They told her that the someone taking care of them, outside of a higher power many believed in, was themselves. The trust fund was the amount of money and possessions they currently had. The life without troubles was simply a life whose difficulties were considered helpful lessons, and in many cases problems were even the beginning of great new adventures in their lives. Their super powers were the ability to love and be loved, and to take the raw materials that currently made up their life and dream about the endless possibilities. Their super powers also included the ability to pick themselves up when a dream didn’t quite work out, and then to begin anew.

They went on to tell the girl that a charmed life wasn’t easy. That like most things worth having, it was a conscious decision to work hard at it. They told her how they had many days full of doubt, and that although loved ones and mentors couldn’t fix things for them, they told her how their support group helped them through the roughest of times. The girl was told that a charmed life required getting up every day and understanding that every thought she had, every decision she made, and every action she took was creating her life today, tomorrow, and every day after that. That she alone was uniquely qualified to invent the life she wanted, because only she knew her truest hopes, dreams and fears. No one, no matter how hard they tried, could make her happy or give her the answers. She had to do it herself. When the girl heard this she was frightened. That meant that there was no one else to rely on, or to blame for her unhappy life. What if she never knew what she really wanted? Or how to get it? What if she made mistakes? Then again, what was the alternative? The girl could only think of one. She could continue doing all the things she’d done before, and she’d continue having all the things she’d had before. That didn’t seem like the right answer at all.

The girl made a bold decision. As terrified as she was, the girl struck out on her charmed life. It would now be built on the lesson that her own thoughts, decisions and actions were what decided what her life would look like, and that she could begin today in small ways to make her current situation better. From there, she’d dream about what her life could be like, knowing it would take work and time, and then she’d swim in all the possibilities that she came up with. There were no deadlines on when she had to decide what her life would look like, and decisions could always be adjusted as she grew and changed. The girl decided she’d give herself a year to dream, plan and to execute in phases. She was becoming excited at the blank canvas in front of her, even though she knew it would be scary at times. Above all, she knew she’d be fine, no matter which dreams came true, and which never did, and no matter how many difficulties came her way, because she understood that her life had always been charmed.

The End

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Living a charmed life means many things to many people. Whether it’s having love in your life, a career that challenges you, outside interests that bring hours of delight, or having a cause that you’re passionate about; a charmed life is one that should bring you exactly what gives you joy.

One of the things that we tend to overlook in pursuing our own charmed life is what role wellness plays in making our dreams a reality. We only truly understand how important wellness is when we are faced with temporary or permanent loss of well being. It can be physical, emotional, or spiritual distress that reminds us what a necessity it is to take care of ourselves, and what a blessing it is to have good health.

Often we see taking care of ourselves as a selfish luxury. In reality, it’s the first thing one must do to ensure you can both fully enjoy your life, and be able to take care of those that are important to you. The best way it’s ever been explained to me was in the analogy of the flight attendant’s safety presentation at the beginning of each flight. We’re always told to put our own oxygen mask in place, before helping small children or anyone else needing assistance. It too seems selfish at first, but when you stop to think it through, you really can’t help anyone else unless you’re breathing yourself. The same is true in wellness. It’s up to you to take care of yourself, so that you’re able to enjoy all the wonderful adventures ahead.

The mantra that works for many in the area of wellness is moderation. We should find a healthy way of eating, but still enjoy dessert. We should drink in moderation, but have the occasional second martini; and we should stay physically, mentally and spiritually fit, but not become slaves to even good habits. The important thing in Lifestyle Desgin/Wellness is to find the formula that works for you, and to stick with it. It doesn’t matter if you’ll never run a marathon, weigh what you did in school, or be a perfect vegan. All that does matter is that you find the right balance in enjoying today, and maintaining your wellness for tomorrow, so that all your dreams for your charmed life can come true!

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I had a conversation with a friend recently, and we were discussing whether we’d rather be happy or content. He contends they are one and the same. I believe they are very different.

In your opinion, is there a difference? Which do you seek, and why?

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Charmed means many things to many different people. Some have the definition as a passive act, such as a higher power watching over you. Others believe it’s a way of living with intention, being actively aware and involved in finding your own happiness. No matter how you define charmed, here are three things I’ve seen in many people that I consider to be charmed:

1. You look for pleasure in little things~ Whether it’s a hug from your child (or greeting from your puppy) when you arrive home from work, a glass of wine with friends, watching your favourite sport at the pub with friends, a toile de jouy for the back of your Ikea closet, or sitting quietly in the same room with your partner while you each read; you’re able to enjoy the moment, simple or spectacular.

2. You choose to see the positive, or the lesson~ You know that there is good in everything, and  that each experience is taking you to the place you belong. Sometimes you don’t get exactly what you want, but did you learn something new about what you don’t want in your charmed life?

3. You choose to see the best in others~ You don’t take things personally, because you understand that everyone is at the center of their own story. A perceived slight is almost always just that person working towards their own happy ending. They may not have considered your feelings, but their intent wasn’t to harm you. You may even ask yourself, “Is there a way I can change my perspective to see their action in a positive, or at least neutral, light?”

What’s a sign you’ve seen in those you consider to be living a charmed life? I look forward to learning from your comments!

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Smile.

A black turtleneck looks great on anyone.

It’s always alright to be a lady, even in the toughest of businesses and during the toughest of times.

Help others.

Have a favourite poem to inspire you.

Pour everything you have into your work.

True style is in it’s simplicity.

Fall madly in love.

Laugh often.

Travel everywhere.

Dancing is the best way to stay fit.

Always wear lipstick.

Don’t let a difficult childhood prevent you from having a charmed life.

Pick the day. Enjoy it – to the hilt. The day as it comes. People as they come… The past, I think, has helped me appreciate the present – and I don’t want to spoil any of it by fretting about the future.

Audrey Hepburn

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