The morning air in the UK has become a bit more crisp, and thoughts have turned from summer travel to autumn nesting. The to-do list has been made, and it includes old favourites, new adventures and cozy sweaters. What’s on your list for this wonderful time of year?

I’ll be watching the leaves in England turn their brilliant shades of gold and red…

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I’ll be wearing luscious burgundy lipstick by Lorac…

I’ll be looking for the perfect sweater…

I’ll be taking the cozy blankets out of storage to snuggle under, while I watch football on television…

And I’ll finally be learning how to make Julia Child’s boeuf bourguignon.

A very happy autumn to all!

]]> http://livethecharmedlife.com/2010/09/autumn-is-the-season-for-nesting/feed/ 5 http://livethecharmedlife.com/2010/08/im-not-my-shoes-my-job-or-the-stamps-in-my-passport/ http://livethecharmedlife.com/2010/08/im-not-my-shoes-my-job-or-the-stamps-in-my-passport/#comments Thu, 26 Aug 2010 16:24:36 +0000 DeeAnne http://livethecharmedlife.com/?p=3874

Why do we introduce ourselves as a vice president, a traveller, a fashionista, a valedictorian, an amazing cook, the homecoming queen, as someone’s mother, as the owner of a BMW, or as a size 4? How was it decided that what we are is more valuable than who we are? What does it say about us, and what does it do to us, when we don’t value ourselves for just being?

Are we less happy the more closely we identify with a job title, our possessions, our image of ourselves, or our appearance? Are we more likely to forget what we really want out of life, and who we really wanted to be when we grew up? Is it possible that it also makes it impossible to live without these things, if we have bound ourselves too tightly to them in our own minds? Is this why retirement and aging are difficult for many of us?

Why did we go from self acceptance as a child, to other acceptance as an adult? Is it a human survival skill? Do we give up pieces of ourselves each time we strive to meet expectations? When we go for the corporate job, rather than the artsy job we want (or vice versa), do we tell a little piece of ourselves that it isn’t valuable?

Is there a moment in each of our lives that we say that we’re going to let go of other’s approval, and write the improved edition of ourselves? Or do we need to “be” things to complete ourselves?

Just a few questions I’m pondering today.

Charmed lives don’t just happen, they’re built. They’re built one idea at a time, one act at a time, and one day at a time.

Today’s feat is to stop complaining for just one day. Don’t complain about having to get out of bed to go to work. Don’t complain about the traffic. Don’t complain about having gained a few pounds. Don’t complain about your coffee not being right. Don’t complain about the kids leaving a mess in the kitchen. Don’t complain about your partner. Don’t complain about your coworkers. Don’t complain about anything.

Complaining only serves to bring yourself, and others around you down. You see, there’s a place for asking for the important things you want and need in life, but complaining about small things chips away at your sense of well-being and happiness. It can become a habit, and while you’re complaining about something insignificant, you may be missing the lovely little moments all around you that make life so charming.

So, just for one day, hang up the complaining PhD that all humans have, and go by the old adage “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” Your day (and everyones around you) will be better for it.

By the way, this house is a mess.

*Advanced class: When you’re thinking of complaining, say something nice instead. For instance, rather than complaining about the mess the kids left in the kitchen, remind yourself how much you’re going to miss them (and their little fingerprints) when they leave home; rather than complain about traffic, enjoy the person in the car next to you as they sing along to their favourite song.

My grandfather used to say that we were born as smart as we’d ever be, and that we became less bright with age. I never understood what he meant, until today.

You see, when we’re born we see the world in an uncomplicated way. We know what we need, and we ask for it. We like nice people, and we don’t like mean people. We sleep when we’re tired, we eat when we’re hungry, and we stop eating when we’re full.

As we grow older, we eat and drink to cure loneliness, rather than calling a friend. We overwork to avoid close relationships, rather than finding people we can trust to form strong bonds with. We hold grudges, play games, spend more than we make, want things we don’t need, and we get too far away from our basic human needs. In other words, we complicate things.

Today, on what would have been my grandfather’s 88th birthday, I dedicate this list to my Papa. Thank you for everything. I finally get it.

1. Don’t try to read other people’s minds

2. Get up 30 minutes earlier so that you don’t rush/get a ticket while driving too fast/have to explain why you’re late/get fired

3. Get 8 hours of sleep per night so that you think more clearly

4. Stick to your budget

5. Start saving and investing every week, no matter how little you can spare

6. Balance your checkbook

7. Don’t try to be friends with everyone. Cultivate closer relationships with fewer people.

8. Don’t try to do business with everyone. Identify your target client and take very good care of them.

9. Before getting angry, ask yourself if it will really matter in 20 years

10. Focus on being a good person, not on pleasing others

11. Stay home this Saturday, and finish off that nagging chore that you need to finish

12. Kiss and make up

13. Make a weekly menu, and shop for only those items at the market

14. Ask your grandparents the best way to uncomplicate life, and try it for a month

15. Fill up your gas tank when it’s half full

16. Don’t drink alcohol when you’re tired, sad or mad

17. Pay your bills on time

18. Get an annual physical examination

19. Say “I love you” to your significant other and to your children. Studies show that more marriages last, and fewer kids use drugs, when these words are spoken every day.

20. For just one day, imagine everyone’s intentions are good because most people’s are

21. Give away clothes that haven’t been worn in two years

22. Throw out clothes that are in disrepair, and can’t be mended

23. When you have a conflict with someone, talk it out. Don’t let it turn into more than it is.

24. Know what your priorities are in life, and act as if they are your priorities

25. Tell the truth

26. Don’t cheat

27. Don’t steal

28. If you’re holding a ridiculous grudge, let it go

29. Clean your house weekly, so that it doesn’t become too large a chore

30. Do your best at work, or at school

31. Don’t eat when you aren’t humgry

32. Eat when you are hungry

33. Be yourself

34. Say no unapologetically

35. Cook simple meals

36. Don’t try to keep up with the Joneses

37. Pay off your car before buying a new one

38. Organise your desk at the office

39. Change your smoke alarm batteries when the clock springs forward, and when it falls back

40. Organise your important paperwork

41. Take only half the clothes that you planned to take with you on holiday

42. Help your children with their homework every night, and have an open dialogue with their teachers

43. Have white sheets and white towels in children’s rooms, because they’re easily bleached

44. Spend your time with nice people

45. Avoid drama

46. Don’t text or talk on the phone while driving

47. Turn off the television/video games/computer; they’re time consumers

48. Don’t engage in office politics

49. Refuse to gossip, or talk behind other people’s backs

50. Do the dishes right after dinner

51. Never go to sleep angry

52. Ask nicely for what you need and want

53. Walk 10,000 steps per day to help your heart

54. Do 20 push-ups before speaking in anger

55. Leave work at work

56. Don’t befriend anyone that isn’t trustworthy

57. Don’t envy others

58. Have your oil changed

59. Take vitamin C before you catch a cold

60. Don’t work more than 8 hours per day

61. Weed your garden weekly

62. Wash your car weekly

63. Have a spring cleaning month every year, and do one room at a time

64. You don’t need to be best friends with work colleagues, but build respectful partnerships

65. Don’t drink and drive

66. Don’t look for reasons to be angry or sad, look for reasons to be happy. You’ll always be able to find plenty of each.

67. Be friendly with your neighbours

68. Return emails and phone messages promptly

69. Schedule in free time

70. Don’t procrastinate

71. Do what you say you’ll do, when you say you’ll do it

72. Be more flexible when you’re able to be

73. Forgive and forget. End of story.

74. Break the consumerism habit…put a three month moratorium in place on buying anything not deemed a necessity

75. Start your diet on September 1, rather than January 1, so that you won’t also have holiday pounds to lose

76. Take care of any health issues or concerns

77. Have your tires rotated

78. Have your brakes checked

79. Have your eyes checked

80. Don’t let your imagination run away with you

81. Let go of perfection in others

82. Let go of perfection in yourself

83. Don’t try to help those that refuse to help themselves

84. Find a way to reduce your commute to work

85. Have an alloted amount of worry time per day/week, that you strictly abide by

86. Drink more water

87. Eat more salmon

88. Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill

89. Wear your hair in a classic, easy to care for style

90. Finish what you start

91. Wear classic clothes and shoes that never go out of style

92. Create a daily routine

93. Have a 1, 5, 10 and 20 year plan for your financial and life goals

94. Slow down

95. Eat out less often

96. When you ask your husband which outfit looks best, thank him for his answer and wear the one he liked

97. Allow your children to grow up

98. Clean out your garage, and donate anything that hasn’t been used in the past year

99. Stretch every day

100. If a relationship is over, let it go

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I want to be like Lauren Bacall.

I want to be real, but elegant.

I want to be fearless, but feminine.

I want to be strong, but well mannered.

I want to be independent, but ladylike.

I want to live the life I dream of, and encourage those I love to do the same.

I want to be like Lauren Bacall.

I spotted a little hand painted sign in a boutique over 20 years ago, when I was far away from where I wanted to be living. It simply read “Bloom Where You’re Planted”. I took it to mean to be happy no matter where you physically lived.

Over the years I’ve come to understand that it does mean where you live, but it also means how you live, and what you’re doing. The flower doesn’t ask for perfection before it blooms. It does whatever it can to bring its beauty to the world.

This moment will never come again. Enjoy where you are, what you’re doing and how you’re doing it. Drink it in and devour it.

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I love women. I really do. This isn’t something I say lightly. It’s as much to do with the hundreds of amazing women I’ve met in my lifetime, as the ones whose accomplishments I’ll watch in raptured awe from afar. I recently wrote a love letter to my girlfriends, to thank them for all they’ve brought to my life. It was meant to be a love letter to all women really, and to celebrate all that women do to enrich the world. Whether they’re strong, soft, tough, tiny, athletic, successful, shy, bodacious or a bit of everything combined; girls are a great invention.

However, there’s another equally wonderful invention that makes the world the fantastic place it is. That invention is men. Though they be tall, short, metrosexual, outdoorsy, sport loving, art loving, businessmen, firemen, students, construction workers, teachers, chefs, traditional, cynical, non-conformist, health nuts, couch potatoes, intense, laid back, or anything in between; there is nothing to compare to men. They have so much to teach us about life, if we’ll only take the time to watch and learn.

I think I understand why we may not want to take the time, though. There seems to be an overwhelming amount of distrust between the sexes at times, and a fair amount of man bashing by women who are far too fabulous for such activities, in my opinion. Are there men that deserve a bit of tough talk at times? Yes, and there are women that deserve their share as well. The important thing to remember is that no individual person is perfect all of the time, or is responsible for all of the sins of their gender. They don’t deserve to be mistrusted or mistreated for anything that happened to us at the hands of someone else. The part to focus on is what we can learn from one another, how we can use each other’s strengths to reinforce our weaknesses, and how we can attempt to understand something that may simply be different, rather than wrong.

What follows is a list of a few items that have been called out as differences between the sexes. I’ve taken a closer look to see if there isn’t something we can learn from them.

WARNING: BRAZEN GENERALITIES/MANY EXCEPTIONS EXIST

1. They don’t ask for directions~Men aren’t afraid to go it alone, or to make mistakes. They’re also willing to take either the glory or the gore that goes along with that decision. There’s something to be said for believing in yourself enough to say that whatever happens you know you’ll be fine and you’ll figure it out. Besides, how many new worlds would have been found if a man hadn’t been willing to point his ship to sea and just sail?

2. They say what they mean~How wonderful would it be to say yes or no, I like it or I don’t, without any agenda or games? When he said he didn’t notice your new haircut, he simply didn’t notice your new haircut. It has absolutely nothing to do with whether he liked it or not, or whether he loves or cares about you. No hidden meaning, and innocent honesty, means much more energy for things that matter.

3. They’re “fixers”~Rather than analyzing and reanalyzing, men are better at accepting what has happened, where they currently find themselves, and then looking for solutions. They seem to live by the motto “Fix it, and move on.”, rather than staying stuck in the “what ifs”.

4. They don’t show emotion~Do I really believe men are completely fearless, and without emotion? No. What I do believe is that they’ve been better trained to appear fearless and stoic. I also believe this has as much of an impact on them, as it does on those around them. In other words, they’re affirming/facing what they need to, and not allowing irrational emotions to control them. They’re convincing themselves they’re not afraid, as much as they’re convincing anyone else.

5. They’re simple in their needs~They know what they need, and want, and they do not apologize for it. This may be the most controversial point on the list, but isn’t it interesting that when you really break it down, most of the things that men do are aimed at getting things like food, fulfillment, sex and sleep? If only we were able to break down our needs to such simple categories, and unapologetically go get them, or ask for them.

I see so many wonderful things in men, and I admire them. I especially admire their ability to integrate those things that were once considered too feminine, and that may not come naturally to them. Things like being more active in raising children, showing emotion, supporting their partner’s career, and in many other areas once considered off limits to them. In short, this is a post in praise of men, because life is much to short not to appreciate and celebrate the differences, as well as, the things that make us exactly the same.

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I know the current trend is to spend a sabbatical meditating and finding your life’s path, and these are very worthy pursuits. I also believe you can get stuck in exploring your inner world, and at some point it’s time to just start living.

We’ve all had our share of crushing personal and professional defeats, and it’s healthy to examine what happened. These are the times that valuable lessons are learned, truths are uncovered and peace can be made with baggage we might not have even known we had. I’ve also found in my own life, that trying so hard to find my answers only made them more elusive. Once I began letting go, enjoying the ride, and having fun again, things began to take shape.

I’m beginning to believe that perhaps the answer is putting a time frame on how long we let ourselves soak in soul searching, and then we move on and let what we’ve learned incorporate itself into our lives. That maybe, at the end of the day, that we’ve become self examination junkies, and what we really need is to learn how to have fun again.

So, here are my places to begin finding the fun:

1. Drink with good friends. There is no better way to learn how to stay in the moment, than with great friends, great conversation, and great laughs.

A book of verses underneath the bough, a jug of wine, a loaf of bread and thou.  ~Edward Fitzgerald

2. Golf in the beautiful outdoors. You’ll have a much better understanding of the greatness around you. We are only part of the universe, not the center of it. I’ve also learned that there are lots of ups and downs on the golf course, as in life, but everything turns out just fine.

Golf without bunkers and hazards would be tame and monotonous. So would life. ~B. C. Forbes

3. Kiss as if you really mean it. A sincere kiss means more to those you love than you’ll ever realise, and a perfect romantic kiss is the stuff dreams are made of.

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. ~Albert Einstein

I’ve read many articles about combining travel with other interests. I myself have travelled to Florence to visit her art museums, to New York for the restaurants, to Scotland to play golf and to France and Napa for their wines. I have friends that travel for cooking, surfing, bird watching, photography, and to build homes for Habitat for Humanity. It’s lovely to combine the adventure of travel with something else that one is passionate about. To that end, my favourite interest to partner with travel is watching sport.

I must admit, I’ve been a sport addict my whole life. This makes a trip to watch a sporting event almost perfection for me. I adore baseball, basketball, golf, rugby, tennis and many more. I’ve seen the MLB Allstar game in Chicago, the Dallas Cowboys play at Texas Stadium, glorious Wimbledon, the Open Championship in Scotland, and Kobe shoot 61 at Madison Square Garden. My sport of choice though is cricket. I’ve written about my passion for cricket, and the joys of seeing other countries through its citizens eyes while watching this gorgeous game on their home pitch. I’ve also written for WisdenCricketer about what I think my fellow Americans and I have missed out on by not playing the world sports at a highly competitive level. It seems yet another reason that many Americans choose not to travel abroad is that we don’t have this added incentive. I think more Americans would travel the world if their preferred team played in other countries consistently. Can you imagine Pittsburgh Steeler fans NOT travelling to watch their team play an AFC Champioship game in London, for instance? Or Yankee fans not travelling to Barcelona to see their team in the World Series? Americans are some of the greatest fans of sport in the world, and we’d be a travel force to be reckoned with if this were to ever happen. I’m amazed at the number of international fans that do travel to matches every time I attend a country versus country event in sports, like rugby or cricket. A major event like the World Cup in South Africa next year will draw an estimated 4 million fans from around the world, and I know people that have been planning and saving for years to be able to see it in person. These fans will get the thrill of seeing their sport, but they’ll also make lifelong memories of the host country, its people, its traditions, its food, its wine, its amazing golf courses and its natural beauty.

I believe I’ve found the perfect sport to follow around the world in cricket, though. Its an obsession in India and the West Indies, and close to the national religion in Australia. It’s also a sport that follows the summer. Cricket is played in the Southern Hemisphere during its summer, then the teams travel to the Northern Hemisphere to enjoy the very next summer there. A sport I love, played year round with no off season, and always where its warm. Heaven. The memories I have from my travels are brilliant, too. I’ve watched Shaun Pollock bid farewell to his test career in front of his home crowd in Port Elizabeth, South Africa. I’ve seen the natural grace and power of Chris Gayle in Barbados, and I’ve watched Andrew Flintoff’s final Ashes at Lords. While I was visiting those countries, I also saw the beauty of Cape Town and her harbour, experienced the wonderful sea and friendly people in the West Indies, and enjoyed several West End productions in London. Travelling for sport has introduced me to some of the most wonderful experiences in the world.

Travelling for sport has brought me a whole new group of like-minded friends, too. The world seems a much smaller place, when you realize how many people love to travel for sport just as much as you do. The stories I’ve heard of their favourite sport memories have had me enthralled. I’ve also learned as much about cricket from other fans as I have from watching the game myself. The most entertaining part about the people I’ve met has been the (mostly) friendly banter between countries, though. Even though I wrote “I Want to be English…or Australian” during the Ashes, I think I enjoyed being an outside observer of their antics even more.

For all of these reasons, I now can’t imagine life without travelling to follow sport. I look forward to seeing cricket in India, Australia and New Zealand. I have trips planned to return to both South Africa and Barbados to watch cricket, too. I know I’ll enjoy the sport, but I also know I’ll discover even more through the wonderful countries I visit, and the people I meet. I can’t wait for the next adventure to begin, or the next memory to be made!

What’s your favourite memory of travelling to watch sport? I look forward to reading about it in the comment section below.

My own photo~St George’s Cricket Ground, Port Elizabeth, South Africa

Smile.

A black turtleneck looks great on anyone.

It’s always alright to be a lady, even in the toughest of businesses and during the toughest of times.

Help others.

Have a favourite poem to inspire you.

Pour everything you have into your work.

True style is in it’s simplicity.

Fall madly in love.

Laugh often.

Travel everywhere.

Dancing is the best way to stay fit.

Always wear lipstick.

Don’t let a difficult childhood prevent you from having a charmed life.

Pick the day. Enjoy it – to the hilt. The day as it comes. People as they come… The past, I think, has helped me appreciate the present – and I don’t want to spoil any of it by fretting about the future.

Audrey Hepburn

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