The morning air in the UK has become a bit more crisp, and thoughts have turned from summer travel to autumn nesting. The to-do list has been made, and it includes old favourites, new adventures and cozy sweaters. What’s on your list for this wonderful time of year?

I’ll be watching the leaves in England turn their brilliant shades of gold and red…

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I’ll be wearing luscious burgundy lipstick by Lorac…

I’ll be looking for the perfect sweater…

I’ll be taking the cozy blankets out of storage to snuggle under, while I watch football on television…

And I’ll finally be learning how to make Julia Child’s boeuf bourguignon.

A very happy autumn to all!

]]> http://livethecharmedlife.com/2010/09/autumn-is-the-season-for-nesting/feed/ 5 http://livethecharmedlife.com/2010/07/be-a-peacemaker-not-a-warmonger/ http://livethecharmedlife.com/2010/07/be-a-peacemaker-not-a-warmonger/#comments Mon, 26 Jul 2010 12:43:54 +0000 DeeAnne http://livethecharmedlife.com/?p=3449

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“An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.” M. Gandhi

Life is built on relationships. Individuals, groups, companies and countries all rely on their relationships with others in order to survive, and to thrive. Relationships aren’t always smooth though, and can easily go awry if not given the proper care, especially during disagreements or periods of change. Harsh words are spoken amongst family members, companies ignore client or employee satisfaction, employees don’t give their best, countries don’t honour agreements, egos are bruised, pride is hurt, important needs are overlooked or the proper attention is not paid, and a good partnership is in peril. It’s these forks in the road that can strengthen a relationship, or break it, depending on whether you choose to return fire, or to lay down your sword.

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What role do we play in helping those around us to build relationships, and to smooth over disagreements, though? We recognize that there can be peacemakers and warmongers among those that govern, but do we realize that we as individuals choose to be peacemakers or warmongers on a daily basis? What about those around us in everyday disputes? Can we help them to see past the immediate issue to the larger picture, or is it solely in the hands of those in the dispute to mend the rift? We play a crucial role in shaping each others relationships and lives, and we may not even know it. When a coworker speaks ill of our boss, when our best friend is having trouble with his spouse, when there’s a disagreement between friends; do we add fuel to the fire, or do we help the situation to naturally diffuse itself? Can we put aside our own unhappy marriage, or recent divorce, and help our friend remember why he fell in love with his wife, rather than trying to gain someone to commiserate with? Can we remind friends that have a falling out how many times they’ve been there for one another? Are we able to set aside the fact that we’re unhappy in our current job, and remind our coworker that he has an incredible amount of talent, and that the boss may be only trying to nurture that talent with her critical remarks, rather than luring someone to be our partner in negativity? I’ve seen examples of each of these responses, but I didn’t understand how elegantly powerful they were until just recently.

“Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.”   Mother Teresa

By the same token, if we’re the one in the difficult situation, have we noticed the difference that turning to someone with a positive view of their relationship or career can make? Many times we’ll get a sympathetic ear, and at least one suggestion that can help us be more objective once we’ve gotten over the initial anger or hurt feelings. It’s a small difference that can make all the difference, if only we’ll let it. We’d still have our disagreements, our hurt feelings, and our anger at being overlooked, because we are human, but it wouldn’t gain the same momentum to devastate our relationships and our lives.

Imagine a world in which, with our help, small battles never became large wars. I wonder what that would look like.

Some of us have had rocky relationships with our parents. In fact, the more people I speak with the more I realise that most of us have had rocky relationships with our parents. It may be part of the growing up process; it may be that our parents are far from perfect; it may be an awful lot of both. The thing that I finally realised however, thanks to the book Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood (and the movie of the same name), is that my mother was just a girl.

She was a girl with her own hopes, dreams, faults, frailties, talents, moments of greatness and moments of despair; just like me. She was raised by imperfect parents; just like me. She did her best to learn the things she was never taught; just like me. There were many things my mother didn’t understand; just like me. She made the same mistakes over and over; just like me. She got angry at herself for making the same mistakes; just like me. She had times that she was so uncertain she didn’t know what to do, just like me. She had high highs; just like me. She was proud of herself; just like me. She loved her children imperfectly; just like me.

In the end, what I’ve learned, is that there are very few completely good or completely evil people in this world. Most are a mix of both, and are doing the best they can. Just like me.

I know that lifestyle design isn’t for everyone, but it has so many wonderful advantages for those that seek the road less travelled. Saying farewell to the 9-5 workday, a corporate cubicle, and to wearing suits and stockings every day are simple to see. You’ll also find countless books and articles that extol the virtues of becoming a lifestyle designer for the adventure, the travel, the freedom, and the control over your own income and destiny. These are all wonderful reasons to make a change, and I enjoy every one of them, but they aren’t the only reasons to do so. Lifestyle design doesn’t have to mean becoming a nomad, or travelling endlessly, unless that’s what you want it to mean in your life. In my evolving definition, lifestyle design simply means crafting a career that makes room for relationships, fun, adventure, and a life.

I realise that purists won’t like my definition, but I believe that boxing everyone in to one way of being a lifestyle designer does as much damage as trying to shoehorn everyone into the “American dream”. It just won’t fit. Most people only want their own unique dreams to come true, and those dreams may involve something other than wandering the world with only a carry-on as their companion.

To that point, there’s one reason for taking the leap that I think has gone largely overlooked. That reason is love. I don’t think enough has been written about changing your landscape for the sake of having earth moving, soul shaking, heart trembling love in your life. Love is, after all, our greatest motivator. If you look deep inside the reasons we chase fame, fortune, power or beauty, at the heart of it is our need and desire to love and be loved.

So how can becoming a lifestyle designer help attract love into your life? Love requires time, effort and commitment, just like success in any other area of our life does. We accept that we’ll have to put long hours in at the office to become president of the company, and that we’ll have to put long hours in at the gym if we want to have a killer physique, but somehow we believe we’ll bump into our soulmate by accident and that we’ll live happily ever after without any time or effort. As a girl who formerly worked 60-80 hours per week, travelled for business almost every week, and who had many a long lunch with her girlfriends discussing their love lives, I think it’s unlikely. I not only saw my marriage end, I also saw the absolute impossibility of finding a new relationship when I could only date once a month due to my work, travel and family obligations. The next reason, especially in our much more global world, is the flexibility to relocate to be with the one that you’ve come to love in whichever corner of the world they might live. Lastly, and most importantly, there will be time to feed, nurture and care for the right relationship once it’s found, and hopefully make it into the sort of modern day fairy tale that we all dream of creating.

I’ve had many friends who’ve taken the leap away from high-profile, high-powered, high-earning careers to find the love that had eluded them. At the time, I was too wrapped up in reaching other goals, including putting two sons through college, to understand their decision. Perhaps it just wasn’t the right time in my life to understand. No matter what the reason, and even if it wasn’t why I walked away from my career, I have found the kind of love that I only dreamt of before, and I finally get why my friends made the choices they did. I also know that I would never have found this relationship if I had stayed on my previous path. The kind of man that wants a close relationship, with lots of emotional intimacy, is looking for a woman who wants the same and is willing to put in the time to have it. He isn’t likely to settle for someone who’s giving all of her best to her career, or anything else.

Yes, I think there are many reasons that lifestyle design and love go so well together, and I look forward to your comments on whether love and the lifestyle designer make the perfect match.

Flicker credit~Without love, there are no dreams.

We all have a list of people we admire. Men and women that we’d like to be more like, that we’d like to have as friends, and that we’d like to have as partners. These people come from many areas of our lives. They may be parents, siblings, grandparents, friends, celebrities or complete strangers. It’s one of the tools we use to measure ourselves, and to adjust and grow throughout our lives. I suspect each person’s list is as individual as their fingerprint.

My own list has included many wonderful people over the years. I’ve written about my grandmother, my father, Audrey Hepburn and my girlfriends. They, and many others, have inspired me and unknowingly guided me. There is another man that has influenced me, and many other people I’ve spoken with. His persona has captivated us for decades. That man is Cary Grant. He was the epitome of a gentleman. He was never boorish, conceited or mean. His biography doesn’t read a perfect upbringing, and there was no fairy tale marriage that lasted a lifetime, but he held to his principles and carried himself with great class and dignity. His quiet strength seemed effortless. He was self effacing and modest. I wanted to marry Cary Grant, and I was in love with his unflappable wit and that devilish grin.

Here are the top 5 reasons we all love Cary Grant~

1. He understood the art of being a well mannered man~Whether royalty, a fellow celebrity, or an employee at a shop he frequented; he was known for treating everyone with interest, courtesy and the utmost respect. He took the time to really listen, and knew how to make others feel important. He considered no one beneath him, and it was enchanting.

2. His quiet confidence spoke louder than words~He was never brash, boasting or arrogant, yet he commanded attention in every room he entered. He was also able to laugh at himself, even saying at one point “Everyone wants to be Cary Grant. Even I want to be Cary Grant.” It’s intoxicating to be near someone that has that combination of traits.

3. He knew that style is about how you carry yourself, not about your clothes~He had great style, and knew what looked good on him, but he didn’t succumb to the latest fashion. He wore classics, and walked with head held high and that unmistakeable gait. He knew that clothes do not make the man, but that a man of substance makes the clothes.

4. He was a nurturing father~He became a father later in life, but he was devoted to his daughter. It made him real, and more like one of us. He was the celebrity equivalent of our own father, and had the same yin and yang we adored in our dad. That combination of strength and gentleness is a winning trait in a man.

5. He was a true romantic~He was known to relentlessly pursue the object of his affection with romance, manners and charm. He had the style and resources to do it the way we’d all like to. He also seemed a true best friend, and treated the woman as a partner in their relationship before it was in vogue. Another important fact, Cary Grant had his share of romances but you’ll never read any tell all book that he penned. He never spoke of what went wrong, except to address his own shortcomings.

This may appear to be a list of the qualities of the perfect man, and no such man (or woman) exists, but it’s important to look at the big picture. In the end, it comes down to Cary Grant symbolizing a man who was well mannered and nice; a man who gave of himself to others, and who gave romance the time it deserves; a man who was comfortable with who he was, and who treated others with respect; and a man who made mistakes, but took responsibility for his actions. Come to think of it, that does sound pretty perfect to me.

Love is a funny thing. It doesn’t ask for much, but it requires everything. If you give nothing, then it gives nothing in return. It won’t yell or demand, it will be silent. It will sit patiently waiting and hoping that you will someday understand. It will wait while you work, while you play, while you question, while you run, and while you hide…even from it.

You may be confused about why it’s missing from your life. You may be asking why it isn’t there for you, giving you all that you need. You may search for it doggedly, or intermittently. You may give up on it, time and time again. Then you return. You may play games with love, and it will play games with you. It will always win. You may become bitter because it won’t appear at the snap of your fingers, or because love didn’t last. You may require that love prove itself over and over again. Love is not a right available on demand, it’s a privilege and a gift to be accepted, and protected with great care.

If you put it last on your list of priorities, then it will put you last as well. You may think you don’t need it. You may draw boundaries around what you will not give up, and what things you will not change. You may make a list of the things that love must not intrude upon. You may believe that you have plenty of time to make room for love. You may be willing to only accept love that is the ideal. You may believe that it will be there whenever you are ready. You may keep a part of yourself hidden from love, so as not to get hurt. Whatever you choose to give to love, it will give to you in return.

But when you are ready to give to love, it will give more to you than you can ever give to it. It will make you wonder why you ever doubted it. It will ask you to give more. It will ask you to believe. It will ask you for complete trust. It will ask you to change, to stretch, and to grow. It will end. It will hurt. It will begin anew. It will make you feel safe. It will make you feel strong. It will make you feel vulnerable. It won’t be perfect, but it will make you perfect. It will ask you to open your arms, and it will fill them up.

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I know Valentine’s Day isn’t for everyone, but I think it’s a lovely holiday. It’s the perfect time to recommit to making your relationship a priority, and to learning what makes your partner feel loved and adored. If you’re single, it’s still the chance to unashamedly fantasize about the kind of relationship you’d like to have in your life, and to learn how to become the person that attracts your soulmate. (i.e. making the room, and the time, to share your life; learning to be vulnerable, and to trust enough to let someone all the way in)

One thing about this lovely day has always puzzled me though. Who said that Valentine’s Day was the man’s responsibility? Or that each partner shouldn’t be responsible for planning a part of the day/weekend, so that each person feels treated? Since I’d seen very little written on what a man finds romantic, I asked my friend Mike Bloomberg “The Romance CEO” (www.TheRomanceCEO.com) to help with a few ideas on how those lucky enough to be involved this Valentine’s Day can make the man in their life feel cherished and important.

Here are a few ideas to get you started, and I hope it will begin a discussion on what you can do to keep the romance alive for him year round. After all, the perfect relationship is one in which each partner feels cared for. It’s also just as much fun to plan something wonderful for the one you love, as to have something planned for you. So here’s to building a charmed life by making every day feel like Valentine’s Day!

Valentine’s Day: Romantic Enough for a Woman, but Made for a Man

Do you dread this time of year?  Do you find yourself downplaying Valentine’s Day?  Are you always making excuses for the lack of planning or creativity on your significant other’s behalf?  OK, not all men are incompetent and completely clueless when it comes to being romantic, but some of us definitely belong in this category and deservedly so.

My grandmother used to say, “If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.”.  This year, Valentine’s Day may fall into that category.  Or, perhaps, last year your man outdid himself and this year you want to return the favor.  If you are of the female gender and are in charge of being Cupid this year, here are few tips that the both of you will really enjoy.  It’s time to say “goodbye” to the typical reservations, chocolates and candles.  The following ideas should have your guy bragging about your “Cupidness” Monday morning at the water cooler, or to his buddies on the golf course or at the gym.

1.  Rock Climbing: Talk about killing two birds with one stone.  Whether you choose outdoor or indoor, this date will get you two going with a great workout.  If you opt for indoor, you can be assured that this is the perfect “sporty” date for the beginner to the experienced.  Want to make it more competitive?  Race to the top and whoever loses…gives the first massage.

2. Winery/Brewery: Many towns now have wineries, breweries or microbreweries.  This is a date that both men and women will enjoy.  If you do have a brewery or winery near, make sure you go on the tour to learn the process.  Learning something new is always fun to include in a date.  Afterwards, a wine or beer tasting is equally fun to end on.

3. Bed & Breakfast (Man style):  Often, when you use the word “bed and breakfast,” the picture of French Country or doilies might pop into your head.  A night away is not only fun for Valentine’s Day, but, all throughout the year.  To not exclude the more masculine tastes, some “B&B’s” are built like log cabins.  Another option is to stay at a ranch.  Some ranches have rustic housing and activities that will be a blast for you two.  One in my area offers up “Cowboy for a Day” excursion that includes learning to ride, rope and wrangle cattle.

4. Cook Dinner: Two of my least favorite days to eat out are Valentine’s Day and New Year’s Eve.  Many times, the restaurants are far too busy and understaffed.  The food is not always the best, and prices can be inflated since it’s a special day.  Take the opportunity this Valentine’s Day to try out that new recipe.  Or, perhaps, try out your kitchen for the first time.  Even better, cook as a couple.  The internet is saturated with very easy meals to the most complex.  My suggestion: Do a search for “easy romantic meals.”  See where that leads you.

5. Manicure/Pedicure: I know what you my be thinking. “A mani/pedi for a guy’s Valentine’s Day???”  Trust me on this one.  And, this may be one you don’t tell him where you are going first.  But, this is so fun to do as a couple.  It’s also very relaxing and the perfect “mood setter” for the rest of the evening.  Speaking of “mood setter,” have you ever wondered why a foot massage is often referred to as “better than sex” or “orgasmic?”  Apparently, the part of the brain that is connected to the feet lies right next to the part of the brain that is connected to the reproductive organs.  I’m just sayin’…

Of course, it’s not always the girl’s job to plan everything.  Especially, a romantic day like Valentine’s Day.  Perhaps, the Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would have done unto yourself” applies here.   By creating this amazing Valentine’s Day, you might be setting the tone for future ones to come.  And, by including yourself in the festivities, you are guaranteeing a great Valentine’s.  Not matter who plans it.  Enjoy!

Michael Bloomberg, a marriage proposal, dating and romance consultant, is better known as “The Romance CEO” (www.TheRomanceCEO.com) and author of the Romance Rocks! monthly newsletter.  Bloomberg has been seen on The Learning Channel, might have been photographed with a Supermodel and definitely writes a weekly column, Date Night, for the Fort Worth Business Press.  @TheRomanceCEO is where you can follow him on Twitter.

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Michael Bloomberg, The Romance CEO

I’m very happy to share a wonderful guest post by Mike Bloomberg, The Romance CEO. In asking Mike to contribute an article for Live The Charmed Life, I asked that he write something from the man’s perspective on relationships. After sharing many great ideas, and agreeing that we should collaborate again in the future, we decided on a reprint of one of his most popular articles. What follows is something that everyone can benefit from. If you’re a man, here are some helpful tips on getting up the courage to ask the girl of your dreams out for the first time. If you’re a woman, I think you will gain a whole new respect for what men go through in often being expected to make the first move. Either way, it only reinforces how truly alike we are. Many thanks to Mike, and ENJOY!

Ask and Ye Shall Receive: 4 simple tips to asking her out

You are standing in line at the pharmacy. You turn around just to kill time as the person in front of you is counting out the six-month prescription they just picked up to make sure all the pills are there, and there she is.  Blue eyes, dimples, nice smile and what do you do…turn around and face the front.  Your mind starts racing.  Should I turn back around?  Should I just introduce myself?  What should I say?

Another scenario might be this.  You see her at the gym at the same time every day.  She is always on the treadmill when you are on the bike.  It started off as a smile, evolved into small talk and, now, there is some flirting going on.  Even when you are not at the gym, she is on your mind.  Your friends have heard all about her.  Your barber has even heard about her.  But, still, no action on your part to ask her out.

Guys, we have all been there.  Each of us have a different reaction to just the thought of having to do it.  For some, it is like breathing.  For the rest of us, we would rather have our bodies waxed by Aunt Gertie than to have to do this.  I am talking about asking someone out for the first time.  Here are a few tips to make this decision a little easier:

Confidence, confidence, confidence! If you are not self-assured and seem as if your skin was custom fit for you, then do not even bother talking to her, much less, asking her out.  There is nothing less attractive to a woman than a man who is not confident.  I am not talking about being “cocky” when you approach her.  She will not be impressed with that.  Here’s a little tip…visualization.  Don’t worry, you do not have to go to yoga class and meditate for 6 hours.  Picture yourself as 100 feet tall when you talk to her.  Even now, just close your eyes and picture it.  There is something about being above everyone else that invokes confidence.  When talking to her, even if you are scared to death, act as is if you were born to do this.  Fake it ‘til you make it!

Every breath you take. Do not forget to breathe.  Like a well-conditioned athlete, when asking someone out, it is always important to take a deep breath and to continue to breathe throughout the conversation.  You do not want to seem nervous or start sweating when talking to her.

What do you have to lose? In the last few years, I have started socializing with a new group of friends.  We go to dinner, go bowling, and do happy hours.  One of the guys is gay.  While at a Super Bowl party, he decided it was time to tell me he had a crush on me…in front of about 10 people.  Needless to say, I was speechless.  However, I was not offended.  In an odd way, I was jealous.  So many times, I have wanted to tell this girl or that girl that I really liked them.  If a gay guy could tell a straight guy in front of a lot of people, then why couldn’t I just ask someone out when it was just the two of us?  I have been around this guy a few more times and we are still friends.  Moral of the story…just go for it.  At the least, the outcome is going to be the exact same as it is now, except that you went for it.

She may be sitting home like you. There is an adorable girl who works at my gym.  O.K, she is hot.  She often complained about the horrors of dating in college.  Guys rarely ask girls out.  Often, dates consist of meeting up with each other at the bar.  Recently, she talked about this new guy she has been seeing.  She said it was someone she had met socially through mutual friends.  While he was funny, she was not initially physically attracted to him.  I asked why she chose to go out with him and her response was this, “He asked.”  Those two words put everything into perspective.  HE ASKED…plain and simple.

A wise man once said that 98% of what we worry about never happens.  Never have truer words been uttered.  We often think of what the outcome could be and rarely are we correct.  How many times have you said, “that went way better than I thought it was going to?”  Apply that to your dating life.  Even if she is not interested, not available or the timing is just not good, if your approach is that of a gentleman, most women feel honored to be pursued.  Wayne Gretzky, hockey great, said it best, “you will miss 100% of the shots you never take.”  Go ahead…shoot!  You might even score.

Michael Bloomberg, a marriage proposal, dating and romance consultant, is better known as “The Romance CEO” (www.TheRomanceCEO.com) and author of the Romance Rocks!monthly newsletter.  Bloomberg has been seen on The Learning Channel, might have been photographed with a Supermodel and definitely writes a weekly column, Date Night, for the Fort Worth Business Press.  @TheRomanceCEO is where you can follow him on Twitter.

I love women. I really do. This isn’t something I say lightly. It’s as much to do with the hundreds of amazing women I’ve met in my lifetime, as the ones whose accomplishments I’ll watch in raptured awe from afar. I recently wrote a love letter to my girlfriends, to thank them for all they’ve brought to my life. It was meant to be a love letter to all women really, and to celebrate all that women do to enrich the world. Whether they’re strong, soft, tough, tiny, athletic, successful, shy, bodacious or a bit of everything combined; girls are a great invention.

However, there’s another equally wonderful invention that makes the world the fantastic place it is. That invention is men. Though they be tall, short, metrosexual, outdoorsy, sport loving, art loving, businessmen, firemen, students, construction workers, teachers, chefs, traditional, cynical, non-conformist, health nuts, couch potatoes, intense, laid back, or anything in between; there is nothing to compare to men. They have so much to teach us about life, if we’ll only take the time to watch and learn.

I think I understand why we may not want to take the time, though. There seems to be an overwhelming amount of distrust between the sexes at times, and a fair amount of man bashing by women who are far too fabulous for such activities, in my opinion. Are there men that deserve a bit of tough talk at times? Yes, and there are women that deserve their share as well. The important thing to remember is that no individual person is perfect all of the time, or is responsible for all of the sins of their gender. They don’t deserve to be mistrusted or mistreated for anything that happened to us at the hands of someone else. The part to focus on is what we can learn from one another, how we can use each other’s strengths to reinforce our weaknesses, and how we can attempt to understand something that may simply be different, rather than wrong.

What follows is a list of a few items that have been called out as differences between the sexes. I’ve taken a closer look to see if there isn’t something we can learn from them.

WARNING: BRAZEN GENERALITIES/MANY EXCEPTIONS EXIST

1. They don’t ask for directions~Men aren’t afraid to go it alone, or to make mistakes. They’re also willing to take either the glory or the gore that goes along with that decision. There’s something to be said for believing in yourself enough to say that whatever happens you know you’ll be fine and you’ll figure it out. Besides, how many new worlds would have been found if a man hadn’t been willing to point his ship to sea and just sail?

2. They say what they mean~How wonderful would it be to say yes or no, I like it or I don’t, without any agenda or games? When he said he didn’t notice your new haircut, he simply didn’t notice your new haircut. It has absolutely nothing to do with whether he liked it or not, or whether he loves or cares about you. No hidden meaning, and innocent honesty, means much more energy for things that matter.

3. They’re “fixers”~Rather than analyzing and reanalyzing, men are better at accepting what has happened, where they currently find themselves, and then looking for solutions. They seem to live by the motto “Fix it, and move on.”, rather than staying stuck in the “what ifs”.

4. They don’t show emotion~Do I really believe men are completely fearless, and without emotion? No. What I do believe is that they’ve been better trained to appear fearless and stoic. I also believe this has as much of an impact on them, as it does on those around them. In other words, they’re affirming/facing what they need to, and not allowing irrational emotions to control them. They’re convincing themselves they’re not afraid, as much as they’re convincing anyone else.

5. They’re simple in their needs~They know what they need, and want, and they do not apologize for it. This may be the most controversial point on the list, but isn’t it interesting that when you really break it down, most of the things that men do are aimed at getting things like food, fulfillment, sex and sleep? If only we were able to break down our needs to such simple categories, and unapologetically go get them, or ask for them.

I see so many wonderful things in men, and I admire them. I especially admire their ability to integrate those things that were once considered too feminine, and that may not come naturally to them. Things like being more active in raising children, showing emotion, supporting their partner’s career, and in many other areas once considered off limits to them. In short, this is a post in praise of men, because life is much to short not to appreciate and celebrate the differences, as well as, the things that make us exactly the same.

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I know the current trend is to spend a sabbatical meditating and finding your life’s path, and these are very worthy pursuits. I also believe you can get stuck in exploring your inner world, and at some point it’s time to just start living.

We’ve all had our share of crushing personal and professional defeats, and it’s healthy to examine what happened. These are the times that valuable lessons are learned, truths are uncovered and peace can be made with baggage we might not have even known we had. I’ve also found in my own life, that trying so hard to find my answers only made them more elusive. Once I began letting go, enjoying the ride, and having fun again, things began to take shape.

I’m beginning to believe that perhaps the answer is putting a time frame on how long we let ourselves soak in soul searching, and then we move on and let what we’ve learned incorporate itself into our lives. That maybe, at the end of the day, that we’ve become self examination junkies, and what we really need is to learn how to have fun again.

So, here are my places to begin finding the fun:

1. Drink with good friends. There is no better way to learn how to stay in the moment, than with great friends, great conversation, and great laughs.

A book of verses underneath the bough, a jug of wine, a loaf of bread and thou.  ~Edward Fitzgerald

2. Golf in the beautiful outdoors. You’ll have a much better understanding of the greatness around you. We are only part of the universe, not the center of it. I’ve also learned that there are lots of ups and downs on the golf course, as in life, but everything turns out just fine.

Golf without bunkers and hazards would be tame and monotonous. So would life. ~B. C. Forbes

3. Kiss as if you really mean it. A sincere kiss means more to those you love than you’ll ever realise, and a perfect romantic kiss is the stuff dreams are made of.

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. ~Albert Einstein